we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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