when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
