Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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