I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
