I think scott just propositioned me for sex
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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