I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
