I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
