Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
