that's an acceptable place to lick
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
