running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
