That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
