Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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