We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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