Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize