32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
