she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
