I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
BRING THE BAGELS
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My vagina is very pro this idea
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize