Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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