i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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