3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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