There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
