New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
