Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
