I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
