I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
