Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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