He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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