Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
