Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
