We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
