Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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