We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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