Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
