Im at strip club and am horny
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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