I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
