if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
