My first STD was from a foam party
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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