I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you traded sex for a burrito?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
