I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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