Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
