Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
