Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
