Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
