yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
