big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
