I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
