Betty ford says i'm here all night
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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