Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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