he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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