and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
