she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
