break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
