I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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