and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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