Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm both gender and math confused
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize