I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
