i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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