I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
