this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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