he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize