His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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