don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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