There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
