There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize