I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
