well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
