In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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