I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
