Yo dont text me then not text me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
They took my balls.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
