he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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