I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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