I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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