and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
