Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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