Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So apparently I’m into choking now
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
