Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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