I think my fart just growled at me.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
