did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
