Nicole vs. Life
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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