My sheets look like a crime scene.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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