I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
