I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize