I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
