you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
