none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
