You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
