I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
