i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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