i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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