Screwed.edu
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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