Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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