This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
