Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You smell like stripper and shame
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
