Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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