My hand turned me down
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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