It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize