There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
