got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
