Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
