It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
