sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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