if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
